The Grass Season..

Most people I know think the life my husband and I have on our farm is rather ideallic...green grass, horses calmly grazing, cats sleeping in the shade. Yes, it sounds delightful. Most of the time, it is. But there is a dark side to the pleasantness....a dark, sweaty side.
The grass is very green this year and is growing much better then the last few years. We will have hay this year in a fairly ready supply, something the horses worry about on a daily basis when they have nothing else to occupy their minds or when they are napping (yes, horses sometimes dream when they sleep). In the lean expensive times, the ponies get a little less hay then normal, cause for consternation when their breakfast doesn't last quite until dinner. Not that they are shorted in the grocery category by any stretch of the imagination. They just end up looking more like regular plump horses then 1200 pound ticks with fur and hooves. OK, so when the hay is cheap and plentiful, I tend to give a little more then I should. Sue me.
But green grass means mowing.....and mowing.........and mowing. Our farm is not fenced in around the perimeter so our guys can't mosey around the farm in herds eating as they will to keep the grass down. Besides that, horses only like the good grass, not the weeds. So even in their paddocks, we have to go in with the brush hog to cut down the weeds so the edible grass will grow. This year the farm is looking a bit wild and brushy since we haven't cut as much as we should. The diesel prices combined with time restraints have put a damper on the brush maintenance. Diesel prices go without saying as they are a harsh fact of life right now. But the time..well, let's say that cutting grass and brush on the farm is not as easy as just jumping on the lawnmower (though we do that, too).
We use a brush hog attached to a diesel tractor to cut most of our grass and weeds. It's not used every day, so we'll cut for a few days then change implements on the back of the tractor. To cut our brush down, it goes a little like this:
Take off whatever implement is on the back of the tractor. When lucky, this only requires a few kicks to each side of the implement to knock it off of the support arms that raise and lower the device. After removal, put hitch pins (they keep the implement from falling off the arms, like a cotter pin) BACK on the implement or in the toolbox on the tractor. Start tractor up, check fuel. See that there is almost no fuel, swear, go and get diesel can. Turn tractor off, open filler cap, pick up 6 gallon fuel container (weighing in at 42.9 pounds) (1 gallon US of diesel weighs 7.15 pounds) and climb 3 feet , swearing, onto tractor to access filler hole. Spill 1 quart of diesel all over engine and clothes before stream goes into filler hole or funnel. Swear more and more colorfully. Worry about spotaneously combusting. Finish filling and recap fuel tank. Put container away, go wash hands. Wash hands 5 times because diesel stink won't come off. Swear some more. Give up washing hands because the stink will wear off eventually.
Try to restart tractor. Hit starter on side of tractor with a hammer or big wrench because it won't start (mechanics have tried to fix this 4 times and continue to fail. Answer "it's a quirk of Ford tractors you have to deal with". Yes, we've tried new starters..) Catch finger between handle of hammer and protrusion on tractor. Swear. Suck on finger. Swear more when the diesel taste penetrates your numb brain and begin spitting out taste. Swear more.
Back up to brushhog. Pull forward because it's not lined up exactly. Repeat 10 times until arms of tractor are lined up with sides of brushhog swearing more loudly each time. Get out of seat and attempt to attach arms to implement. Realize that both are not quite lined up correctly, get back in tractor cursing colorfully and inventively. Look back at brushhog and notice a suspicious number of wasps flying around the hole in the top of the deck. Go into barn, get wasp spray, spray hole. Run around frantically, flapping arms and yelling as wasps fly out of hole. Stand 30 yards away waiting for wasps to go away and/or die. Walk back and kick side of brushhog. Stub to. Swear. Climb back on tractor. Go forward and pull back perfectly into place in one shot. Go figure. Swear for good measure. Kick arms onto brushhog, stubbing toe again. Swear. Look in toolbox for hitchpins. Realize there are none in the box, walk back to other implement, steal hitch pins. Prepare to mow. Get off tractor, walk back up to house to get hearing protection (with am/fm). Walk back to tractor and put on hearing protection. Turn around and walk back to house after realizing the batteries are dead in the "ears". Swear. Change batteries, turn on in house, walk back to tractor. Start tractor, pull forward, realize one front tire flat. Try to think of new expletives and use continuously while dialing tractor maintenence guy on cell phone (yup, speed dial). Leave message for him. Walk back to house, change clothes, wash hands 10 more times, make a Mojito in a LARGE juice glass. Sit down and watch the weather channel to see how tomorrow will be for mowing.......
Yup, farm life is definitely relaxing